For years, I believed I was ‘too much.’ Understanding my personality helped me see I was never too much—I was just wired differently.
Wow! What a week.
I just returned home from vacation with my immediate family. We had 2 condos, and all the kids and grandchildren were encouraged to come for the week, or any part of it, that they could manage, with work and other obligations. It is my favorite week of the year. I love having everyone around. I love the coffee on the balcony, the card games after dinner, and the various excursions that are always more complicated than would be expected.
With 12 souls sharing space and navigating their individual needs for food, rest, entertainment, and personal space, it was controlled chaos at best AND I loved every minute of it.
I am usually intrigued and entertained by the many conversations, interactions, and dynamics that play out within the various activities each day. With so many personalities represented, it will test all the virtues that you possess and define the ones that you still need to work on.
Have you ever stopped to admire the complexity of the individuals around you? I find it fascinating, so fascinating that I became a trained consultant for a program called DISC. The DISC interaction begins with a 7-minute questionnaire. Once the questionnaire is completed, you receive a report that tells you what your instinctual strengths and weaknesses are. How those same strengths and weaknesses respond to pressure and perceived demands from relationships is also answered in the report. I had my husband take the assessment, and I did as well. I now have proof that we were created to communicate and process information, completely opposite!
What a relief to have a professional report tell us that we are wired differently. We have spent a large part of our marriage striving for peace, contentment, and security within our alliance. We strived because our communication failed each time we got to the part of the conversation that expressed a need not being met or feelings that could not be understood by the other. Our personality differences were misinterpreted to mean that the other wasn’t trying hard enough or didn’t care enough to listen.
This report and our experiences have taught us that we are striving because we are attempting to process and express our thoughts with no regard for how the other is capable of hearing them. I thought that I needed to develop and process my experiences through talk, and Gordy could only comprehend the Cliff Notes version. Until we took the time to learn our innate strengths and weaknesses and then recognize the same in our partner, we were not able to make the accommodations needed to communicate with love and patience.
It is easy to see differences as a flaw, either in them or in yourself. It is easy to believe that we are flawed when our needs, wants, and desires are met with misunderstanding, dismissal, or defensive anger. We spent years fighting through the topic before we could settle on some sense of understanding and resolution. Eventually, you just give up and take what you can get from your partner and hope that it’s enough to stay emotionally connected to them.
Self-awareness didn’t change who I am—it gave me permission to be exactly who I was created to be.
My personality, according to DISC, is labeled an “ID”. This says that I am
- enthusiastic,
- innovative,
- trusting,
- optimistic,
- persuasive,
- talkative
- competitive for recognition.
This sounds like the definition that you would give if describing a person who is considered to be “A LOT”. Well, I have always been told that. I am not a normal conversationalist.
I do
- talk a lot, I will talk to anyone, and I do talk to everyone.
- I am trusting, but have been hurt, so I need a lot of validation.
- I move a lot, I am probably undiagnosed ADHD, so I can exhaust those around me.
- I also love a lot,
- I nurture a lot
- I am dogmatic in optimism.
- I tell a very long and detailed story to answer a question that would normally require a short answer.
Up until this past week, when I learned about my DISC profile and that of my husband’s, I was very ashamed of myself. Our differences, mixed with my insecurity, encouraged the lie that I believed about myself. The one that told me that I was “too much” to be loved, cherished, and cared for. I have spent years “trying to be less”.
Thanks to my DISC profile, I have seen and accepted that I am just enough!!
I can work on a few things to increase the self-love I have and the security I walk in!
- Active listening before I TALK..TALK…and TALK some more😁
- NOT interrupting to tell my very important thought that I just can’t wait
- Embracing my creativity and allowing it to bloom
- Finding the importance of details and understanding the strength they give to my decisions.
- Processing my “stuff” and giving my husband the Cliff Notes version.
What an amazing gift that self-awareness has given me! I am excited for the deep and meaningful conversations where we both walk away feeling cherished, secure, and HEARD!
I would love to hear your thoughts or explore the options of getting you a personal DISC profile.
We grow by exposing ourselves to light, and we create a beautiful garden by growing together.
I look forward to talking with you!
I can always be reached at Monica@MonicaGHunt.com