Note from the author, Monica G. Hunt
Hi! My name is Monica, and I hope that by sharing my experiences of victories and defeats, you can find encouragement and validation during the days when your journey gets hard.
While I am sitting at my computer, a song is playing in the background, and the singer is asking to be taken back to where he belongs.” As the lyrics continue, I am stuck on that line. I am wondering what that means: the place where I belong?
For the first 48 years of my journey, yes, 48! I believed that the place where I belonged would be a place where I would feel secure with no risk of being dismissed, forgotten, or shown in some other way that I was not good enough. The place of belonging would accept me as I stood, and in turn, would be a safe, sheltering place to land and regroup. Maybe you are like me. After searching and striving to create this place, you have discovered that there is no such physical place on Earth.
At the time of this realization, I was wrecked by it. I am hoping that by sharing my thoughts, you will have someone to link arms with if you are wrecked. If you are not in this place, I hope you gain understanding and validation for the experiences that you have walked through, either alone or with others.
At this moment, when I was 48 years old, I was wrecked because security felt like the most important aspect of life, more important than breath. When I was young, I didn’t have the vocabulary to say, “I want to feel secure”.
Looking back, I can recognize that security is a feeling more than a state. I had food and shelter, but I did not feel important. I was loved, cherished, and wanted. I still did not feel important enough to be protected. Important enough that my needs would matter when decisions around me were made. Important enough that I could trust my tribe to give me the emotional nourishment, space, and encouragement to grow and reach for my purpose.
I am perplexed as I write this. I have good childhood memories. I also have a feeling of insecurity as a mixer of those memories. This book is an attempt to unwind those feelings and understand the truths, lies, and invaluable growth that made me who I am today.
We must go back a bit for you to understand where I was emotionally during this moment of being wrecked, this moment of brokenness. I was at a place where I had tried everything, and I mean everything, to manipulate myself or the environment around me to create this sense of security.
I felt that because I could not create this place of belonging, I was the problem, and I was just not good enough. I had developed adult relationships and a vocabulary to speak my truth by this time; however, insecurity was still a mixer of my conversations.
I wanted to be important enough to have my needs met, not just by those around me but by the God I believed in. I also still held onto the idea that my importance was linked to how much I was considered by others when decisions were made that affected me. It’s funny the statements that we adopt as our truth. Statements based on the feelings we experienced that could not be explained or understood.
I accepted the truth that I was the least important person in the room. I began to believe that my security and importance came from what I could contribute, from my value as “the solution”. I was convinced that if I worked harder and was more of what everyone around me needed, this would force them to see me and consider me.
If you are striving to be seen and considered, keep reading. That is just the beginning of the jewels that I discovered that make the crown I wear today. You, too, have a crown; it might be buried out back or in the dark corner of your closet. I want to help you search for it, restore it, and celebrate the battles it took to create it. You are the queen of your story, the ruler of your kingdom, and the Princess of the God I serve.
###